I think I say this each week and I really mean it! This week's reading was awesome and very informative. I did though find myself really reading and re-reading the domestic violence articles from the instructor's notes and podcast. I have experienced abuse both as a child and as an adolescent/young adult, I was also witness to my mom "taking a beating". Fortunately for me my mom was very strong and decided to leave after only 7 months of marriage. I was only 5 at the time and distinctly remember the "Last Fight", after he pointed a shot gun at her head, my mom (all 5feet and 100 pounds of her) got up, grabbed the gun, punched him in the face and knocked him out, we ran to the car and left leaving all of our belongings behind! I wish someone would have talked to her about domestic violence, or interveened sooner! Looking back I now realize she had many of the listed warning signs long before I even knew what was going on; saying how clumsy she was she was always "falling and getting a black eye", not communicating with friends, and a lowered self esteem.
I found the information on "helpguide.org" to be very informational. The cycle of violence is so true, unfortunately I have experienced this first hand both as a child and a young adult. I made the choice to leave knowing this is not what I wanted for my life.
Working in OB/GYN one of the questions we ask patients is "Do you feel safe at home?". When I first started asking patients this, I felt as if I was intruding on their private life. Now it is second nature and I feel like "If I don't ask, who will?". I was very surprised at how many "No's" I got. We support these women by giving them the DVSAS (Domestic Violence and Sexual Assult Services) 24 hour crisis hotline wallet card, we lend a caring non judgemental ear, we encourage them to phone 911, we also will set up a code word so if the patient doesn't want the spouse in the appointment she may use the code word and we will ask him to leave for this part of the exam.
I loved the Do's and Don'ts and would encourage everyone to live by these items:
DO - Ask if something is wrong, express concern, listen and validate, offer support and support his or her decisions.
DON'T - Wait for him or her to come to you, judge or blame, pressure him or her, give advice, or place conditions on your support.
Now is the time for all of us to step up don't shy away from the warning signs if you see them, offer a kind smile and a warm "Is everything ok?". I'll bet you might be surprised at the answer!
I agree that more people need to actually care about what is happening to other people and listen. Alot of times a person is beaten down in multiple ways rather then just one usually physical also comes with mental abuse. They are usually scared of the repercutions that would come from leaving them and think that it would be worse then if they stayed. Demestic violence is a very sad situation and most do not even think twice about it.
ReplyDeleteI am really sorry to hear that your mother went through that and you were wittness to that. Your mother sounds like a really, really strong woman. At the doctors office, I have only been asked if I "feel safe at home" one time, and it didn't feel intrusive at all. I really appreciated them asking that and wish people asked that more often.
ReplyDeleteWow, Sarah, I'm so sorry that you had to witness that as a child and thank you for sharing. I think it's great and so smart that in the office that you work in you are asking women if the feel safe at home and that you set up a code word to get the spouses out of the room. I wonder, do you have an obligation as a healthcare provider to report abuse that you have knowledge of?
ReplyDeleteWe have an obligation to report abuse of minors and seniors only. I think sometimes if a 3rd party gets involved in reporting abuse of an adult it might get messier for the victim. In the office asking the question at least gets the victim thinking about the problem.
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