There were many very important and interesting topics in this week's readings, I chose sexual orientation because of a very heated conversation that I experienced last week at a middle school Halloween dance. I was very interested to read in the text that 5% of teenage boys and girls identify their sexual orientation as gay or lesbian. The book also states roughly 15% of teens experience a period of sexual questioning during which they sometimes report emotional and sexual attractions to members of their own sex.
At the middle school monster mash dance last weekend a parent approached one of my friends and started a conversation with "Have you seen all of the 7th graders posting on Facebook that they are gay?" To which my friend did not answer until she had thought about what she might say. The response was a simple "No, I haven't". Knowing my friend identifies herself as lesbian I was very curious to hear how she would ultimately respond. The discussion was civil but became very emotionally driven. my friend felt as if the adolescents were posting those things to get attention. She was worried that these kids were opening doors to being teased, bullied, and taunted. She has direct experience with the emotions and difficulties that these teens might be faced with in the future.
After reading the text I feel like maybe this is a normal feeling these kids are having, however, I don't feel like Facebook is the proper outlet.
I have a co-worker who has a son and daughter ages 16 and 15 (they are only 10 months apart). Her 16 year old son came out of the closet about 6 months ago, now her daughter is going through the questioning phase. We discussed how her daughter told her, the daughter said, "Don't worry Mom, I'll probably marry a man and give you grand babies. But, for now when I see people I don't see guys or girls I see things that attract me."
I feel like 5% of teens identifying as gay or lesbian may be a skewed number because a lot of teens might try to hide how they feel rather than come out. They might also be "seeking attention". When they come out may also depend on how accepting the teen feels their family will be. If a family has a strong parent that is always downgrading or "knocking" gay people the teens may wait longer to come out and try to hide their feelings for a much longer period of time. In a family where parents are open and receiving of other gay/lesbian people teens may come out and may not feel the need to hide their feelings.
I feel that teens are going through so much in this time of their lives: their brains are growing and changing, they are having hormonal fluctuations, and they are desperately trying to fit in with their peers. I feel it is my responsibility as a human and a parent to support all teens who may be questioning their sexual orientation, rather than putting them down or tearing them apart. Life is difficult enough for teens with out the added stress of trying to identify with one sexual orientation or another.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
Abuse
Coming from a home where I had my fair share of step-dads, one of whom was very abusive, I was able to connect with the authors of the text in this section. Over and over we hear that most abusers have been abused. In my family this is not the case, when I chose to become a parent my husband and I had discussed what we felt were proper discipline techniques. I had to work very hard to not become the parent I had known. In fact, when my coliky daughter was about 1 month old I'd had enough of the crying and I was tired too, I placed her in her car seat in the crib where I knew she was safe, I shut the door and took a "time-out" before I became too agitated or frustrated that I couldn't deal properly. This was the first of many "Mommy time-outs" I have taken throughout the years. When my son was about 5 I took one of my now famous "time-outs" when I came out he was telling my 7 year-old daughter "Mom is ok she just doesn't want to say bad words that's why she's in time-out". I think my kids adapted to mommy's timeouts very well! :)
I have seen the effects of abuse first hand. However when it comes to a child you love it seems to hurt more than ever. Reading through the Effects of Abuse on Children in the text I found these to be some of the effects: social and emotional development disrution, poor relationships with peers, lower grades in school, lower scores on standardized achievement tests. The good news is that I have also seen resiliency and repair of some of these issues in my own home. When my niece came to us at age 9 she was very aggressive, was not passing many of her classes in 4th grade, and had failed the WASL. Looking back it makes me so sad, but to see the growth she has had in these 4 short years really makes me smile. She is now in 8th grade getting all A's or B's, last year she passed all of the standardized testing with at least average scores, and she hasn't had an outburst of aggression for a really long time! :) Through counseling sessions and many discussions at home we have been able to fill her tool box with appropriate tools for the feelings she is having.
I feel like mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse even though it doesn't leave physical marks, it leaves lasting emotional marks. When CPS "checks" on a situation or takes a report it seems they don't take into account the emotional abuse that may be going on in a household. If a child is fed and clean there is no issue. As we well know just because a child is fed and clean doesn't mean they are safe. Many abusers tell their victims that if they tell anyone what is going on they will be "sorry". I have seen this in my younger niece CPS has had 4 or 5 open cases with her she would never talk about what happened at home, now that she is older she is slowly talking about what had gone on.
I feel that as a society we need to have good role models in parenting, remember to give support and teach parenting skills to parents who may need help, and we need to absolutely not tolerate any type of abuse.
I have seen the effects of abuse first hand. However when it comes to a child you love it seems to hurt more than ever. Reading through the Effects of Abuse on Children in the text I found these to be some of the effects: social and emotional development disrution, poor relationships with peers, lower grades in school, lower scores on standardized achievement tests. The good news is that I have also seen resiliency and repair of some of these issues in my own home. When my niece came to us at age 9 she was very aggressive, was not passing many of her classes in 4th grade, and had failed the WASL. Looking back it makes me so sad, but to see the growth she has had in these 4 short years really makes me smile. She is now in 8th grade getting all A's or B's, last year she passed all of the standardized testing with at least average scores, and she hasn't had an outburst of aggression for a really long time! :) Through counseling sessions and many discussions at home we have been able to fill her tool box with appropriate tools for the feelings she is having.
I feel like mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse even though it doesn't leave physical marks, it leaves lasting emotional marks. When CPS "checks" on a situation or takes a report it seems they don't take into account the emotional abuse that may be going on in a household. If a child is fed and clean there is no issue. As we well know just because a child is fed and clean doesn't mean they are safe. Many abusers tell their victims that if they tell anyone what is going on they will be "sorry". I have seen this in my younger niece CPS has had 4 or 5 open cases with her she would never talk about what happened at home, now that she is older she is slowly talking about what had gone on.
I feel that as a society we need to have good role models in parenting, remember to give support and teach parenting skills to parents who may need help, and we need to absolutely not tolerate any type of abuse.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Medications and our Children
Are we over medicating our children? Reading the article Medicating Young Minds really brought a light to this subject of Bipolar in children and medications. I didn't realize children could be diagnosed as Bipolar never mind, could be medicated with the same meds as they give adults. It is amazing to me that we would give our children medications in an "off-label" use to treat these disorders. I agree that these disorders are serious and children may need to be treated with medications, but we also need to treat with counseling and/or other non-medicinal modalities. We are medicating children and we don't know if the drug's side effects may do more harm than non-medicating.
Why are we medicating minor depression in our adolescents? Who doesn't have minor depression at some point in middle/high school? For most people, the breakup of that first "serious" relationship causes minor depression. If we now treat this depression, does this show these adolescents that we should turn to drugs to treat all of our problems? Again, I am not saying that there are not cases that will require medications, I am just concerned about the impacts of these medications on young minds. Not only the physical impacts but the impacts they may have on the emotional brain, and their ability to learn and retain new concepts.
I knew a girl when I was growing up she was about 4 years younger than me. She was severely depressed, there were many suicide attempts (a few close calls) she even lived in a "half-way" house for the mentally unstable. There were many medications tried to no avail, living in the half-way house counseling was presented to her. She underwent intensive counseling, they added one medication and she became a productive citizen. She became a Physician's Assistant and now helps others to heal. This is why I believe counseling before medications should be part of the treatment for children, get to the root of the problem before treating it. Medications need to be tested further before given to our young children. I am glad that research is still ongoing. :)
Why are we medicating minor depression in our adolescents? Who doesn't have minor depression at some point in middle/high school? For most people, the breakup of that first "serious" relationship causes minor depression. If we now treat this depression, does this show these adolescents that we should turn to drugs to treat all of our problems? Again, I am not saying that there are not cases that will require medications, I am just concerned about the impacts of these medications on young minds. Not only the physical impacts but the impacts they may have on the emotional brain, and their ability to learn and retain new concepts.
I knew a girl when I was growing up she was about 4 years younger than me. She was severely depressed, there were many suicide attempts (a few close calls) she even lived in a "half-way" house for the mentally unstable. There were many medications tried to no avail, living in the half-way house counseling was presented to her. She underwent intensive counseling, they added one medication and she became a productive citizen. She became a Physician's Assistant and now helps others to heal. This is why I believe counseling before medications should be part of the treatment for children, get to the root of the problem before treating it. Medications need to be tested further before given to our young children. I am glad that research is still ongoing. :)
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Relational Trauma and Helping Children Heal
Having come from a broken family with lots of history of drug and alcohol problems, I found this weeks information very encouraging. My favorite article came from the additional readings in the instructors notes: Trauma, Brain and Relationship: Helping Children Heal.
I was shocked that trauma can come from so many places including events that happen in the womb, trauma can be caused by intentional abuse or neglect, but may also be unintentional. This topic interests me mostly because I would love to see the trauma cycle broken in my family and others. B. Bryan Post, PhD, LCSW states "98% of parents of traumatized children have been traumatized as well". "It is essential to treat the entire family when healing trauma in children."
The good news is, Dr Daniel Siegel tells us that traumatized children can be healed. If a child has had at least one secure relationship, the child will have a seed of resilience and has the potential to do well in the future. He goes on to say "What's shareable is bearable. When a person can bring the trauma out and share it with another it becomes more bearable". This statement reminded me of my niece. Shortly after she moved in with us 4 years ago we brought her to a counselor, she didn't like to go, she didn't want to be "different" than the other kids. Upon further investigation of why she didn't want to go she looked at me and said, "Counseling is like ripping off a band-aid". I didn't really understand this analogy at first, so we decided we would try going back one more time. We got to counseling and I advised the counselor of what my niece had said about the band-aid. She said, "That is a great analogy! It is uncomfortable because just when you think the wound is all covered up and hidden you have to remove the band-aid to redress it". The counselor explained to my niece in more medical terms saying if you have a big gash in your arm you would clean the cut (uncomfortable) before you cover it up, then you would uncover it to clean it again. If you don't clean the wound it would fester and become infected, if we don't share our feelings and hold them in they will fester and become "infected".
I am really encouraged that children can be healed and can have positive bright futures! From this article I learned that we should all be present, patient, kind, sensitive, comforting, supportive, and encouraging to a child as we may be their one person.
I was shocked that trauma can come from so many places including events that happen in the womb, trauma can be caused by intentional abuse or neglect, but may also be unintentional. This topic interests me mostly because I would love to see the trauma cycle broken in my family and others. B. Bryan Post, PhD, LCSW states "98% of parents of traumatized children have been traumatized as well". "It is essential to treat the entire family when healing trauma in children."
The good news is, Dr Daniel Siegel tells us that traumatized children can be healed. If a child has had at least one secure relationship, the child will have a seed of resilience and has the potential to do well in the future. He goes on to say "What's shareable is bearable. When a person can bring the trauma out and share it with another it becomes more bearable". This statement reminded me of my niece. Shortly after she moved in with us 4 years ago we brought her to a counselor, she didn't like to go, she didn't want to be "different" than the other kids. Upon further investigation of why she didn't want to go she looked at me and said, "Counseling is like ripping off a band-aid". I didn't really understand this analogy at first, so we decided we would try going back one more time. We got to counseling and I advised the counselor of what my niece had said about the band-aid. She said, "That is a great analogy! It is uncomfortable because just when you think the wound is all covered up and hidden you have to remove the band-aid to redress it". The counselor explained to my niece in more medical terms saying if you have a big gash in your arm you would clean the cut (uncomfortable) before you cover it up, then you would uncover it to clean it again. If you don't clean the wound it would fester and become infected, if we don't share our feelings and hold them in they will fester and become "infected".
I am really encouraged that children can be healed and can have positive bright futures! From this article I learned that we should all be present, patient, kind, sensitive, comforting, supportive, and encouraging to a child as we may be their one person.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Week 2 Nature vs Nurture
Hi fellow students!
I am new to blogging and I hope I have the right idea about the necessary components. :)
I found the topic of nature vs nurture fascinating. I am one of three children, however, my older brother Vic was not raised by my mother. His father took him away from my mom when Vic was only 5 years old (my mom was 20 at the time). As a child my brother was told he didn't have a mom and he was not allowed to talk about her. As he grew older he began to doubt the stories he had been told of his mom and decided to search for her. He was able to find her! My mom had not seen her son in 21 years and was now talking with him, they arranged a meeting. A short three months later my brother had sold his home in Anchorage and was surprising my mom by moving to Washington! I was 20 years old the day I met my brother for the first time he was 26. Upon first sight (of course through lots of tears!) I couldn't believe my eyes they looked just alike. I even commented to both of them that had I seen Vic on the street I probably would have said "Man that guy looks like my mom!" The similarities do NOT end there. The first few months of "getting used" to having a brother were emotionally tiring in a good way. There were lots of parties and late night chats. As I got to know my brother I almost felt like he fit in to our family more than I did. Mom and Vic were both jokesters (they could have gone on the road for a mother son comedy tour!) I even heard Vic tell the same stupid joke my mom told years ago. They both make quick decisions without thinking them through fully and both have the biggest caring hearts of anyone I know.
Before these trying and awesome weeks/months I thought that personality only had to do with the nurturing a child received, how they were parented, the experiences they had, and the influences of people around them. After seeing how similar my mom and brother are I have changed my thinking. I now believe nature (genetics) plays a huge role, in fact I would say my brother who was NOT raised by my mom is more similar to her than my younger brother and I are (we were both raised by her). While on a family camping trip this summer I realized my older brother and my mom have very similar manarisms as well, these couldn't have been taught by my mom either! They will both tell a joke and if they think it was hilarious they will roar with laughter (an eerily similar laugh). I love my brother immensely and can sometimes guess what his next move will be because my mom and I are so close and they are so similar.
I really enjoyed the reading this week and especially liked the facts given in the article Sense of Self by Thomas Hayden. This quote from the article really made me think, "Maybe I am more like my mother than I want to acknowledge: Some scientists have estimated that as much as 50 percent of a child's personality is determined by her genes, but it has proved difficult to parse out exactly how much of a given personality trait is genetic. Or maybe I just inherited my father's genes, and that's ok too!
I'm looking forward to reading everyone elses' blogs!
I am new to blogging and I hope I have the right idea about the necessary components. :)
I found the topic of nature vs nurture fascinating. I am one of three children, however, my older brother Vic was not raised by my mother. His father took him away from my mom when Vic was only 5 years old (my mom was 20 at the time). As a child my brother was told he didn't have a mom and he was not allowed to talk about her. As he grew older he began to doubt the stories he had been told of his mom and decided to search for her. He was able to find her! My mom had not seen her son in 21 years and was now talking with him, they arranged a meeting. A short three months later my brother had sold his home in Anchorage and was surprising my mom by moving to Washington! I was 20 years old the day I met my brother for the first time he was 26. Upon first sight (of course through lots of tears!) I couldn't believe my eyes they looked just alike. I even commented to both of them that had I seen Vic on the street I probably would have said "Man that guy looks like my mom!" The similarities do NOT end there. The first few months of "getting used" to having a brother were emotionally tiring in a good way. There were lots of parties and late night chats. As I got to know my brother I almost felt like he fit in to our family more than I did. Mom and Vic were both jokesters (they could have gone on the road for a mother son comedy tour!) I even heard Vic tell the same stupid joke my mom told years ago. They both make quick decisions without thinking them through fully and both have the biggest caring hearts of anyone I know.
Before these trying and awesome weeks/months I thought that personality only had to do with the nurturing a child received, how they were parented, the experiences they had, and the influences of people around them. After seeing how similar my mom and brother are I have changed my thinking. I now believe nature (genetics) plays a huge role, in fact I would say my brother who was NOT raised by my mom is more similar to her than my younger brother and I are (we were both raised by her). While on a family camping trip this summer I realized my older brother and my mom have very similar manarisms as well, these couldn't have been taught by my mom either! They will both tell a joke and if they think it was hilarious they will roar with laughter (an eerily similar laugh). I love my brother immensely and can sometimes guess what his next move will be because my mom and I are so close and they are so similar.
I really enjoyed the reading this week and especially liked the facts given in the article Sense of Self by Thomas Hayden. This quote from the article really made me think, "Maybe I am more like my mother than I want to acknowledge: Some scientists have estimated that as much as 50 percent of a child's personality is determined by her genes, but it has proved difficult to parse out exactly how much of a given personality trait is genetic. Or maybe I just inherited my father's genes, and that's ok too!
I'm looking forward to reading everyone elses' blogs!
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