There were many very important and interesting topics in this week's readings, I chose sexual orientation because of a very heated conversation that I experienced last week at a middle school Halloween dance. I was very interested to read in the text that 5% of teenage boys and girls identify their sexual orientation as gay or lesbian. The book also states roughly 15% of teens experience a period of sexual questioning during which they sometimes report emotional and sexual attractions to members of their own sex.
At the middle school monster mash dance last weekend a parent approached one of my friends and started a conversation with "Have you seen all of the 7th graders posting on Facebook that they are gay?" To which my friend did not answer until she had thought about what she might say. The response was a simple "No, I haven't". Knowing my friend identifies herself as lesbian I was very curious to hear how she would ultimately respond. The discussion was civil but became very emotionally driven. my friend felt as if the adolescents were posting those things to get attention. She was worried that these kids were opening doors to being teased, bullied, and taunted. She has direct experience with the emotions and difficulties that these teens might be faced with in the future.
After reading the text I feel like maybe this is a normal feeling these kids are having, however, I don't feel like Facebook is the proper outlet.
I have a co-worker who has a son and daughter ages 16 and 15 (they are only 10 months apart). Her 16 year old son came out of the closet about 6 months ago, now her daughter is going through the questioning phase. We discussed how her daughter told her, the daughter said, "Don't worry Mom, I'll probably marry a man and give you grand babies. But, for now when I see people I don't see guys or girls I see things that attract me."
I feel like 5% of teens identifying as gay or lesbian may be a skewed number because a lot of teens might try to hide how they feel rather than come out. They might also be "seeking attention". When they come out may also depend on how accepting the teen feels their family will be. If a family has a strong parent that is always downgrading or "knocking" gay people the teens may wait longer to come out and try to hide their feelings for a much longer period of time. In a family where parents are open and receiving of other gay/lesbian people teens may come out and may not feel the need to hide their feelings.
I feel that teens are going through so much in this time of their lives: their brains are growing and changing, they are having hormonal fluctuations, and they are desperately trying to fit in with their peers. I feel it is my responsibility as a human and a parent to support all teens who may be questioning their sexual orientation, rather than putting them down or tearing them apart. Life is difficult enough for teens with out the added stress of trying to identify with one sexual orientation or another.
I sympathize with with gay and lesbian teens more than I do with anyone in our culture. After this weeks readings, (and obviously before it as well) we can see how confusing and emotional adolescence and young adulthood can be. It's absolutely dizzying trying to get everything in order and find reason and logic in those years, and adding a sexual orientation that is largely rejected to the mix is even more maddening.
ReplyDeleteMy best friend in highschool came out of the closet in our Junior year. We lived in a strictly religious, small farm community of a population of about 1500 in the Midwest, so you can imagine the reaction of the community when it happened.
As far as we knew, he was the only one to ever come out in our school district. Ever. And it wasn't just the school that reacted poorly. Parents petitioned against him, sending him pamphlets on why he was sick, parts of his family disowned him, and students were enacting violent and angry pranks. One person in particular pinned a baby doll's head to his locker with what was supposed to be blood—and of course, the school administration always turned a blind eye.
I remember he and I both had to take one last physical education class before graduation, and we both weren't very excited about it. I remember the locker rooms being partitioned by a set of lockers, splitting the changing room into two sections with me and my friend on one side, and 18 boys on the other. They would spend the whole time throwing things over the top of the partition, jeering at us with anger.
But even beyond that, he was one of the really lucky ones. His parents were both warm and accepting, he had a strong circle of friends that loved him, and he eventually was able to find his way and embrace himself and his identity.
As for your apprehension on the statistics on gay teens, I think you are absolutely correct. It's funny, now 8 years later I was e-mailing an old classmate from my highschool, and she was telling me about all the people from our school that now have finally begun to identify themselves as gay. They were simply too afraid to put themselves through what my best friend put himself through. For that, I am so proud of his courage.
From my experience I find it difficult to wrap my mind around the idea that anyone would want the attention of being gay, but that's probably just because of what happened where I grew up, and the hell my friend went through growing up. I'm sure people do it for different reasons in different environments.
I think that your approach to supporting a child in their quest for "finding their sexuality" is a healthy one. It's not placing judgement, but still being available to questions. I agree that a lot of kids may be just trying things out and if they choose to identify as gay or bisexual while in school, perhaps they are displaying confidence in who they are, even if it might not be who they really are ultimately. It is also touching along the lines of the article "teens before their time", I feel, because how many 15 year olds have had enough experience sexually to make a firm decision such as their orientation? I guess these days it might be a lot of kids, but it wasn't when I was that age. I know some people say they have felt a certain way since birth, and I believe them. But for kids that are "out" in a school setting are opening up another can of worms, and my biggest hope for these kids is that their peers can accept them and not treat them any differently. Are we there yet?
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